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I’m in India for the 3rd time to study with the Iyengar Family and teachers at the RIYMI in Pune. I’ll be posting pictures, comments and rambling observations along the way.

So far the biggest realization is the way technology has changed travelling since my 1st trip in 2007.  No more hanging out the window on a passed-along cell phone trying to get reception or walking to the Internet cafe to sweat with the cram of bodies and overheated computers only to have the power fail half way through downloading pictures for a blog. Free, accessible wifi plugs me in. Let’s me see my family when I FaceTime, allows me to pretend to be a mom from 11.5 time zones away. (Josh is no longer answering my texts -ha! What am I going to do from here ?!). I can check my bank account, change my travel bookings and chat with my next door neighbour.

The downside to this, of course, is that it’s very easy to stay insulated and sterile.

So, on that note, I’m logging off. Switching to airplane mode and heading out in to the chaos of India.

Stay tuned won’t you?
Sam

Our lives are nothing more than moments.  There’s a lesson in each one of them whether we like the gift it’s wrapped up in or not.  Some are presented over and over again because they are the ones we are meant to learn the most. We miss many of them because we think we already know.  Or are too busy to pay attention.  Or we think we’re not worthy.  Often the universe keeps offering those lessons as a gift until there’s enough space in us to receive it or it gets so obvious we have no choice but to pay attention.  At some point we may learn the lesson in that moment if we can see it as a gift.  If not, it can be just another moment that really sucks, or one of lost beauty because we’re too occupied to receive it.

I had a really sucky moment earlier this week.  It was so loud and in my face that i had no choice but to be affected by it.  Thankfully, in this place where i now live (literally and figuratively) i was awake enough to receive the gift of the lesson that was presented to me in that moment.  The moments that mirror our dark side and provide an obvious experience of how we can be from the ‘other’s’ perspective are powerful.  And are just as much a gift as the moments of pure connection and joy because of our bright side.  None are to be brushed aside, ignored or taken for granted.

Moments, everyone of them, whether i like the gift in them or not, are precious.  One of the greatest gifts presented to me here are the moments when i experience the independence of just being Sam.  For the first time in my life – and it’s a fairly long one – i am realizing the gift of just being me.  Not the child of, girlfriend or wife of, mother of, or teacher or student of:…  There is no regret or sadness in this – i have many deep and loving relationships from these rolls, but for the first time in my life, for some people, I am just ‘Sam’.  And, for some people, that is good enough.  In this town of orphans, this gift is presented to many like me, who are starting new.  And, it’s one of the reasons, i think, people fall in love with this place.

It is a powerful gift.

Present.  Presented.  That which is presented to us, is not always seen as a present.  The only way it can be is if we are present in that moment.  Not everything needs to be life changing, but change will happen if we choose to take that which is presented to us and do something with it.

Learn from it.

Appreciate it.

See the joy and beauty in it.

Experience it.

Whatever the moment has for you today, are you able to see the gift in it?

I was at a social following the qualifiers for a Freeski competition in Nelson not long after i wrote my first post, so even if i wasn’t consciously looking for the Real, the idea of it was imbedded in my observations.

That night my sleep was continually imprinted with the word ‘influence’.  It’s a powerful, powerful word, tool, idea and action.  And one that needs the clarity of Real observation to even be recognized.  Because above all, i think influence is sneaky.

Personally, i find it very difficult to listen and observe without becoming influenced by the person, situation, weather, history or circumstances that i am engaged in.  Would i have liked Nelson better if the snow wasn’t grey with gravel, or if the recycled hippies didn’t seem so cliche to me?  Why did my feelings about Josh’s training change after listening to coaches from a different club? How can i truly look for Reality when i’m so easily influenced?  And how do i use influence to try to get people to see things my way?  There’s nothing that ego wants more than to be recognized, and even better, validated with agreement. So how have i learned to use influence to boost my ego?

Of course through observation, consideration and increased awareness, i may have come to the same conclusions.  But if i’m honest, that wasn’t the case in this situation.  As a friend says “fart, fart”.  I went the way of the wind for no better reason than that’s the way it was blowing.  Whether from the external conversation, or something from my past, i allowed myself to be influenced in my observations and conclusions.

So, in my quest for getting Real, i recognize now that i have to be vigilant about how i let myself be influenced.  It takes effort to release engrained habits.  In yoga we use the concept of Samskara to understand this.  They are the bumps in our lives that are made bigger every time we act unconsciously out of habit.  Influence is one of my bumps.  I’m going to work on wearing it down by redirecting my actions and conclusions when i become aware of being so easily blown by the wind.  I understand myself well enough to know that by writing this post i won’t stop myself from being influenced.  And I also know that, for me, this is the first step to recognizing when influence is coloring my observations and blowing my conclusions with the wind.

Here are some things i want to consider:

• how much does my respect for the person talking influence how i hear what they are saying?
• how much does the difference in the end result compared to the anticipated result influence how i feel about a situation?
• how much do i let the past influence a decision i’m making today? (of course, memory is one of our greatest tools to create and initiate change. But only when used as such. Not as an excuse for being/acting a certain way…”nothing changes, if nothing changes”.  That’s the way to use memory with intelligence)
• how do i use influence to get what i want or boost my ego?

By working to release influence – both in how it affects me and how i use it – i hope to wipe away some of the grunge that clouds my ability to see and experience Reality and make this particular Samskara groove smaller.  The process takes time, awareness and patience with myself.  Just yesterday i was fiercely blown about.  Influenced by my history of how i think i’m perceived.  It was a hurricane in my head and heart and it took some time to find my grounding.  Once i did, i could easily see how my thoughts were hijacked, and the letting go and rooting could take place to help me find my balance.  This, for me, is progress.  At times, my memory informs me, the storm would have lasted much longer.  So, even though i let myself be influenced, the time in which i stayed there changed.  And i recognized the root cause, rather than blaming it on the situation.  Progress…i may not have made the Samskara bump of influence smaller yesterday, but i didn’t add to it as much as i would have in the past.

It’s never where we are, it’s how far we come.  Is there movement? Do we recognize it?  I’m a trudger.  I’ll be on this path until the day i die, so i’m in no hurry.  And i take solace in the small things.

Love, sam

I’m still trying to figure out who ‘me’ is.  This blog is about that exploration.  Sharing what i dare in how i’m coming through some tough times.  Some of you may know the roles of me.  All of them are true, but most of them are only partially real.  Perception, filters, history and labels create what is sometimes called ‘my’ truth.  Strip that stuff away and we might start getting to what’s Real.  That’s the journey i’m on.

I’m in a continual process of letting go of my perceptions, ‘shoulds’, and the ideas of how i think things/situations are or how i want them to be that prevent me from seeing or experiencing Reality.  Real isn’t always pretty, but it’s always perfect, because it never has to pretend it’s anything else.  There’s nothing more beautiful than that.

So here i sit in a mountain town that i’ve never been in before.  I’m about to go explore and i’m going to try to see, hear and feel the Real of where i am.  Just like in asana (one of my roles is an Iyengar Yoga Teacher) i use this as a vehicle – a training tool, to get to the Real inside…baby steps, steadying the breath when i leave my habit and comfort zone to get beyond my truth and delve into what’s Real.

Some traditions, schools, mystics, etc. have similar ideas, but perhaps use different words.  All are valid – and none, in this venue are up for debate.  This is just me trying to get real – using this blog as another tool to help me along.

Real stands alone, unaffected by our filters and perceptions.  It doesn’t depend on our ego to create it’s beauty or defence.  Maybe someday, i’ll be able to live in the fully revealed beauty of the Real Me.